Love

      There is only one happiness in life -- to love and to be loved.

                                            -- George Sand                                               

Was heart broken, still am.. But it all dissolved now. Now it just attacks me and haunts me at times that "Nobody", i mean there there must be somebody. but "Nobody".... 
At-least i Loved someone, like for real, so that makes me happy. Maybe am not meant to be loved. But I loved someone. We broke-up and I was hallucinating for months until i realized that I ACTUALLY did break up. I was in pieces. Torn, heart Broken. the usual love-breakup crap. I rose from the ashes of my own poverty to not being Loved. Thought i was Strong. Like i said people. But i knew this would haunt me for the rest of my life. I still get all teary when i listen to some songs. 3 Doors Down - Here without you baby. I am not the only one I know. But i also know am not like others. Have i moved on from the breakup that happened 2years ago. Hell YES.. But haven't moved on from the fact that i cannot be loved. Its like when you figure out all the pieces of a puzzle and you cant fit the last piece and soon you realize that the last piece is broken. There lies a perfect life with a void in the middle. Right in the middle of your heart. 
Consumes me at times when am lonely. And am lonely a lot. So yea.. 
Love is so risky of a commodity to look for. I mean "Nobody" .
I just couldn't get over the fact that girls are so spontaneous Minded.. On Spot decisions and selfish ones. 
I wanted a normal life. 
A normal family.
A normal Love.
I have none. 
I wish, i just pray there is still someone out there. One.Who will Love me.
I have dealt with a Lot of girls after the breakup. Hell!! i became a stud for like 6months where i saw the faces of some really nasty girls. Not a Single, not one was beautiful. All were so self consuming, selfish. I mean all. And Still dealing with the same ordeal.
20years have passed. I don't know how long i can take this. The negative energy around me makes me feel so claustrophobic.
Every Girl i have been friends with is just the same. The same ugly face. I know its all pessimistic.But Optimism is like so hopeless. Optimism alone has led me to what i feel right now and depresses me. So why should i be optimistic. Just accepting the fact that i cant be loved is so promising.


The people around me have taught me so much. 
Reality - A stud and a Slut (Happiest people in the world)
Friction - A perfect match.
Rare - A good relation. 


Looking back, i was happy being invisible during my 10 Grade. It was so 'me'. 
Falling for someone - Just killed me..
I feel like a corpse now. Intoxicated. 


I don't know what the future holds for me. But am sure that i will keep falling in love again and again, coz i just cant hear the noise, i keep frolicking towards the fake affection that floats around me..